“I read the book again that night because I knew that if I didn’t, I would probably start crying again. The panicky type, I mean. I read until I was completely exhausted and had to go to sleep. In the morning, I finished reading the book and then started immediately reading it again. Anything to not feel like crying. Because I made the promise to Aunt Helen. And because I don’t want to start thinking again. Not like I have this week. I can’t think again. Not ever again.
I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not to exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it to all stop spinning. If this gets any worse, I might have to go back to the doctor. It’s getting that bad again.”
The perks of being a wallflower – Stephen Chbosky