fri

b,
im sad. im sad.
im sad like Anakin Skywalker felt when he went to apprentice to be Jedi and he came back to Tatooine to discover that the scumbags of sand people captured his mother and killed her. sad and upset. angry. angry that for all the good he learnt, all the powers he had, he could not save a person he loved dearly. and he was not in time to stop it. and fate brought him this way. bloody fate.
and he stands there, in anguish, tears on his cheeks, a clenched up face. old enough to feel pain, not old enough to not feel pain. too blind with tears to see clearly now. to see the words forming on the screen. sad and angry.
its zera’s birthday. and im sitting here at 3 am crying.
and i havent cried so hard in a long time.
its his birthday and no one cares.
it hurts. and its been hurting for the past week, the past month. every day.
but sorry i’ve been too busy to talk about it. too busy with other stupid things. with other not so stupid things.
what’s there to talk about anyway. it just hurts, that’s all.
and i have to go to switzerland tomorrow. and i dont want to pack, i dont want to have to think about where to go how to go what to do. i dont want to have to decide. i dont want to have to smile.
i dont want to go. i dont want to stay here either. i want to get away from here. away from singapore. away from all these.
i just want some things to go away.
and it was a stupid day. and im sad and angry and sobbing.
dont come and talk to me now. its over.

i want to sleep. im very tired. i havent slept much in weeks. im very tired of everything.
go and sleep then. all of you can go and sleep.

fri